What if steno schools published honest course catalogs? What if they listed the prerequisites that don't make sense, the fees that never end, and the graduation rates they'd rather not mention?
This satirical catalog imagines what that might look like — a school where every answer is "mindset" and every problem is solved with another invoice.
MEGA-STENO ACADEMY
Official Course Catalog — Fall 2025
“Speed Is a Choice. Tuition Is Mandatory.”
WELCOME TO MEGA-STENO ACADEMY
At Mega-Steno Academy, we believe every student can achieve 225 WPM. We also believe every student should pay us while trying.
Our proprietary methodology combines ancient wisdom, modern buzzwords, and a payment plan. Results may vary. Invoices won’t.
CORE CURRICULUM
STENO 101: Introduction to Belief 3 credits / $1,200
Learn why speed is 93% mental and only 7% your actual fingers. Topics include: visualization, manifestation, and why your current failures are a mindset problem. No machine required. No refunds.
Prerequisite: Payment.
STENO 201: Brief Memorization I 3 credits / $1,200
Memorize 2,000 briefs in 10 weeks. Covers common words, uncommon words, and words you will never encounter in an actual deposition but might appear on our proprietary exam.
Prerequisite: STENO 101 or equivalent payment.
STENO 202: Brief Memorization II 3 credits / $1,200
Memorize 2,000 more briefs. Some conflict with the briefs from STENO 201. You’ll figure it out. Context.
Prerequisite: STENO 201. Corequisite: Confusion.
STENO 301: Conflict Resolution 3 credits / $1,400
When six words translate to the same outline, how do you know which one you meant? This course does not answer that question but does provide a certificate of completion.
Prerequisite: STENO 202. Note: This course is not about resolving conflicts. It is about accepting them.
STENO 401: Speed Building 4 credits / $1,800
Practice dictation at speeds you cannot yet write. Repeat until graduation or funds are exhausted.
Prerequisite: STENO 402.
STENO 402: Advanced Speed Building 4 credits / $1,800
Continuation of STENO 401.
Prerequisite: STENO 401.
Note: Students often ask how to take 401 before 402 if 402 is the prerequisite for 401. This is a mindset problem.
ELECTIVES
THEO 150: Theory Defense 2 credits / $900
Learn to respond when someone asks, “If this theory works, why do 90% of students drop out?” Covers deflection, redirection, and the phrase “That’s not our data.”
PSYCH 275: Blaming Yourself Productively 2 credits / $900
When the method fails, the student must adapt. This course teaches you to internalize failure without questioning the curriculum. Includes journaling exercises.
WELL 300: Injury Prevention (Theoretical) 1 credit / $600
Discusses hand, wrist, and forearm injuries common to stenographers. Does not discuss whether the method contributes to those injuries. That’s outside our purview.
COMM 180: Explaining Your Career to Family 1 credit / $450
Learn to answer “So... you type fast?” without crying. Final exam is Thanksgiving dinner.
SPECIAL PROGRAMS
The 225-by-December Intensive $4,500 (December not guaranteed)
An accelerated program for students who want to reach 225 WPM by year’s end. Classes meet daily. Most students do not reach 225 by December. Program renamed annually.
Previous names: 225 by Summer. 225 by Spring. 225 Eventually.
The Mentorship Connection $300 matching fee
We pair you with a working reporter who has been notified of your existence. Mentor participation is voluntary. Your fee is not.
2024 statistics:
Students matched: 47
Mentors who responded: 3
Mentors who responded more than once: 0
CERTIFICATION PREP
CERT 500: RPR Exam Preparation $2,200
Prepares you for the RPR certification exam: controlled dictation in a quiet room at predictable speeds with clear enunciation.
Does not prepare you for: depositions.
CERT 501: Why You Failed the RPR $1,100
A post-exam workshop exploring what went wrong. Spoiler: It was your mindset.
Prerequisite: Failing the RPR. May be repeated for credit.
FEES & POLICIES
Tuition deposit (non-refundable): $500
Technology fee: $250/semester
Lab fee (no lab): $175/semester
Materials fee: $300
Materials: Not included
Practice software: $45/month
Practice dictation files: $30/month
Exam fee: $200
Exam retake fee: $200
Exam retake consultation fee: $150
Certificate printing: $75
Certificate mailing: $25
Certificate PDF: $40
Graduation fee: $350
Transcript fee: $50
Transcript rush fee: $100
Withdrawal fee: $400
Re-enrollment fee: $450
STUDENT TESTIMONIALS
“I’ve been enrolled for six years. I’m confident I’ll pass 140 any day now.” — Student, Year 6
“The briefs I learned in 201 conflict with the briefs I learned in 202. My instructor said context would sort it out. I’m still sorting.” — Student, Year 4
“I asked why the theory hasn’t changed since 1980 despite a 90% dropout rate. They signed me up for PSYCH 275.” — Former Student
“I finally hit 180. Then I worked my first real deposition. Now I’m in IT.” — Former Student
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: What’s your graduation rate? A: We track enrollment, not graduation.
Q: Why? A: Graduation is outside our metrics.
Q: How long does the average student take to finish? A: “Finish” is a strong word.
Q: Is financial aid available? A: Yes. You can pay in installments.
Q: That’s not financial aid. A: It’s aid with your finances.
Q: What if I realize this isn’t working for me? A: See: Withdrawal fee.
GLOSSARY
Speed: A number you will chase.
Theory: The method. Do not question the method.
Brief: A shortcut that creates a different problem.
Conflict: When two briefs collide. See “Context.”
Context: The solution to conflicts. Does not work in real time.
Practice: What you need more of, always.
Mindset: The cause of all failure.
Graduation: Possible, in theory.
Dropout: A student who questioned the method.
Success story: Someone who finished. Location unknown.
Refund: Not in our glossary.
READY TO ENROLL?
Contact admissions@megasteno.edu.
Please allow 6-8 weeks for a response. Application fee: $150 (non-refundable).
MEGA-STENO ACADEMY
“Where Speed Is a Journey. Tuition Is Required.”
Your invoice is attached.